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The Voice Mask of Defense

Welcome to the show!


Today, I want to talk about the voice mask of defense. Voice masks is a unique concept of mine. It is something that I hear. I hear certain sounds and I can identify with how they are processed subconsciously. That’s my body of work.

Voice mask of defense is something that I just recently had with someone in a group that I formed. It was a course testing group. And I’ve heard it all the time. I hear it all the time. And it is the voice mask of defense. It’s very similar to needing to prove, but defense is saying “I know”, needing to prove is saying that ‘I know everything. I’ve been there. I’ve done it.” I always use the example of my brother and the story about Italy and how he said, “Oh, don’t go to Italy. I know all about Italy” and he’d never been. Defense is the ego. Defense is feeling inferior, and here’s the thing;

All masks are about insecurity. We are insecure about something that comes from a driver and we put something in place. We put this mask in place because we think it will cover up whatever we’re trying to cover up and that it will get us what we want. So, defense is very much a repellent and I’ll be totally honest with you, defense exhausts me. It’s an area that I struggle with because I find it very disrespectful and a lot of people do. And the interesting thing about this mask is that everybody hears it. Everybody sees it. A lot of times, people can’t identify people-pleasing. And a lot of times people can’t identify needing to prove.

Needing to prove is very often initially perceived as confidence. And then it moves into obnoxiousness. But the initial reaction and perception, especially from somebody that is more insecure or has lower self-worth, is that they’re confident. They’re really good. And then they get repelled and turned off and find that ‘needing to prove’ mask exhausting and obnoxious.

Defense is almost the same thing. Defense is very much about saying “I cannot be wrong. I cannot take responsibility. I cannot under any circumstances let you know that I feel inferior in any way, which means I cannot let you feel superior in any way.” Now that’s kind of crazy because I don’t feel superior in any way, but I know what I’m talking about in my area of expertise. I don’t know a whole lot about anything else though. I don’t say that I’m not smart anymore because I, that’s not a story I’m going to buy into. But I don’t know a lot about anything other than voice. I don’t know how to cook. I don’t know much about math. I don’t know science.

I have stayed in this lane and I don’t feel superior on any level. I think that there are people in this field that probably know more than me. But what happens in the mask of defense is even if I’m teaching, the other person puts up this mask of defense, whether they know what I’m talking about or not, but they want to create the perception that they already know and they already do. They already do it. They already know it. I just had such a great example of this the other day.

I can’t even remember was sharing this with me. I would imagine it’s somebody that I’m working with. It was this scenario where someone had asked the person I was talking to a question and my person answered the question and the other person said, “I already knew that.” And my person said, “well, why does this person have to even go there? If they already knew, why did they ask?” And I said, “well, it sounds like a mask of defense to me because they have a driver that says, ‘don’t let people know that you don’t know everything’.”

Let people know you are protected. If you let people know that you already know everything and you push back on what they have to say to you. “Oh, I already know. Yeah. I already know that.” An example from my work and I don’t see it a lot, but I do see it sometimes and it’s a form of resistance. The mask of defense is a form of resistance and it will come in my work in a scenario like this; somebody will ask a question. It’s very similar to the story I just gave you. “Well, how do I create vocal variety with a script?”

Needing to prove is the showboater, the loud one, the bragger. I think it’s a braggart. Defense is saying “I don’t know, but as soon as you teach me, I’m going to lead you to believe that I do and that I’m borderline offended that you assumed I didn’t know” when I never assumed that at all. It’s a huge repellent and here’s the thing, this comes from an inferiority thing and the insecurity that comes from a driver that says you’re supposed to know everything

Even more so, this is a story that’s linked to the mask of defense. If you don’t know everything, people are going to think you’re inferior. That is that thing of “ I’m trying to control what you think of me”, or “I’ve already decided what you think of me and I’ve already decided that if you answer me and I didn’t know the answer to that, that you think I’m stupid and I’m going to retaliate with a defense of I already know.” And there’s going to be a little attitude in there, like a persona or a perception of “you’ve just insulted me.” And it’s all a defense because they didn’t know to begin with, but there’s no humility.

The mask of defense, not only is it coming from a place of insecurity, but it’s coming from a place of no humility and an inability to take responsibility for one’s feelings. The blame falls into this one. I used to struggle with this all the time when I was in my early twenties.

I was raised as a victim. Nothing was my fault. I have regrets over things that I said. This why the restraint of pen and tongue is so important. I have regrets over things that I said when I was in my early twenties, being defensive from being a victim from an inability to take responsibility for my actions and not wanting to look bad and not wanting to look like I didn’t know what I was talking about.

It’s about defense. It’s about controlling the outcome and looking good or creating a perception of looking good and having no humility to admit when we’re wrong or we didn’t know because we’ve created a driver and a belief that if we don’t know, then we’re inferior. The mask of defense is very much about inferiority versus superiority. And that idea that if you know something that I feel like I should know, then you must think you’re superior is coming from an internal driver that says they are superior and that’s just not true. But it’s a huge mask. It’s a huge mask of an inability to take responsibility. And let me tell you, it’s a turnoff big time, but the biggest problem, as I’ve already mentioned is that everybody sees it. Everybody sees it. I remember doing a group this summer and I had someone in that group with a mask of defense. And it was a really big group.

It wasn’t one of my typical groups. It was something different. And there was somebody in there with a mask of defense and a mask of needing to prove, but a mask of defense. They would ask a question and every time I answered, they would say they already knew, almost as if they were insulted and very much wanted to make it clear that they felt like I didn’t know what I was talking about. In this particular scenario, I didn’t address it because that’s not what the program was about.

It was something different. And a couple of sessions went by and then I had a conversation with someone that was in that group and they said, “Oh my gosh, I just can’t even believe how that person spoke to you. It was so disrespectful.” And I said, “well, it was just defense.” It was just defense because this person believed that he had to be right which was his need to prove and he also believed that if he asked a question and I knew the answer that surely I must be thinking “what an idiot” and that’s where defense comes in. This belief, this driver that we’re supposed to know and that the other person thinks we’re inferior if we don’t,

Passive aggressiveness can be very close to defense. It’s getting the last word. It’s very much getting the last word. “That’s not what I meant. Well, I already knew that. I know that. I’m already doing that”. Then why did you ask? I don’t know if this is you or if this reminds you of somebody you know. I’m telling you how great I am. So, needing to prove isn’t always negative. It’s not always a negative tone. It can be perceived as a helpful tone or a confident tone. Defense is the idea that “you have just offended me. How dare you answer that question and talk to me as if I don’t know what I’m talking about?” when they ask the question.

Defense is a refusal to take responsibility. Defense is ego and lack of humility. If you get defensive or if you feel like you’re being attacked, sometimes you are be being attacked. I’m saying look within and see if you’re being attacked. Are you putting up a defense to try to control the outcome to try to control our perception? And you’re putting it in your tone because if you are a promise you, you are not winning friends and influence in people of all the masks.

Defense is one of the biggest turnoffs. And in this recent group, I could tell that everybody in the room saw and heard exactly what was happening. So, if this is you, I want you to look within and I want you to see what it is you believe about not knowing the answer or somebody else knowing an answer to something.

How is that a negative reflection of you? Because that’s going to lead you to your driver. What did you have to defend growing up? What did you have to defend with a boss? What did you have to defend that somehow got linked to the idea that you don’t know anything or you don’t know what you’re talking about? It created a mask of protection that makes you feel better because that mask of defense makes you feel you know what you’re talking about, even though you feel insecure. It’s not real.

What solves this problem is to get okay with humility and realizing that not knowing everything is not a reflection of anything negative. I don’t know a whole lot of anything other than voice. That does not diminish my worth.

I have to be willing to learn. I have to be willing to receive criticism. I have to be willing to receive feedback and I am. The person with the defense mask cannot. And if that is you, you need to look at why. Why are you taking that as a personal attack and how in the world do you ever think having a defensive tone is ever going to get you what you want? It’s not. It is a 100% repellent and we hear it from the first word you speak defensively.

If this is your mask, you’ll never have inner freedom and you might not ever get to the level of success you want. You won’t have the connections; you won’t have the relationships and it’s all because of a voice mask. So, if this is you, I highly encourage you to look within and look at the stories that you’ve written around people knowing more, or your interpretation of you knowing less. That’s where you want to start because that’s where the problem is and that’s what put the habit in place.

But I’m going to tell you, that is a raw emotion that the listener subconscious is going to reject vehemently. It’s no reflection on you that you don’t know everything. It’s okay if other people know more or know something that you don’t know. It doesn’t mean you’re not good at something. People with a defensive mask are probably all or nothing thinkers or black and white thinkers as well. And my question is why does it have to be all or nothing? Why does it have to be one or the other? It doesn’t.

 

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Getting Visible w/ Lori Ward

Welcome to the show!

I’m so excited to have you with me today and I’ve got a great show for you.

One of my former students is with me and she’s really got some great nuggets to share with you today!

Lori and I talk about using your voice in a powerful way,

How to get visible without fear,

What it takes to build a business fast,

Why your voice matters and SO much more!

Lori is one of those people that when you meet them, you instantly feel like you’ve known them your whole life.  She’s got a voice that makes people listen and has accomplished some impressive feats in a short amount of time.

I know you are going to love hearing from her!

Make sure you take a listen and go check out Lori’s work on Instagram.

 

You can find Lori on Instagram at lwskincare

 

Guest Bio

Lori is a mother of 2 girls and 2 boys ages 14-25 and has one granddaughter.  Lori has been married for 26 years!  Lori is 46 and dang proud of it.

Lori went to esthetic school with her daughter Rilee in 2016 and opened a home clinic in 2017 and moved it to a storefront in 2019.  She is an age and acne specialist.  Lori has 8 employees in her clinic.

Lori is an aging advocate herself and is big on gut health.  Lori exercises eats good nutrition, avoids sugar, and believes in how holistic nutrition can and will heal the skin.

Lori believes honesty and integrity in her business have an impact over popularity.  Helping others feel and look their best is what gives her life!

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Controlling the Outcome and Your Voice


Welcome to the podcast. I’m your host, Tracy Goodwin. And I’m so glad to have you with me today as always. Thank you so much for your shares and your downloads and for being a subscriber. I love being on this voice journey with you, and I’ve got a great episode for you today. Today, we’re going to talk about controlling the outcome and your voice.

As I do every year, I took August off and I normally take August off because I have for the last 12 years been involved in a program for youth. I’m not doing that program anymore, but this August I moved across the country in a pandemic.

I’m glad to back!  I’ve got some super exciting episodes for you coming up and some incredible interviews with amazing people that you are going to love hearing from.

Now very quickly, I want to let you know, I have two more groups this year. I’m about to do my second to last small group coaching program and then I’ll run it one more time in October. So do not miss out. If you want to jump on now at the current price, make sure you go over to captivatetheroom.com. Look under the work with me tab and/or email me Tracy, t-r-a-c-y@captivatetheroom.com.

I’ve got a lot of great things going on, a lot of cool changes and happenings, and I’m excited to share it with you. It’s been a challenging year. I know for so many of you and I believe that 2021, we’re almost there and it’s going to be different. So, let’s talk about controlling the outcome, and the reason that I picked this topic is that it is so prevalent in my coaching program. When I work with people in solo sessions about all the noise in their head, and there are a lot of different versions of noise that we could talk about. But one of the biggest problems that I see people struggle with without even realizing it is trying to control the outcome. You cannot control the outcome.

What you can control is the conversation. And that’s truly where the power is. And when I put people in that place and teach them how to control the conversation, not only is it very powerful, but it’s so much fun and not in a manipulative, horrible kind of way, but in a ‘controlling the experience’ kind of way. What kind of journey do you want to take me on? That is what is in your control. Which of my senses do you want to touch? Which emotions do you want to connect with me on?

That’s what I mean by controlling the conversation. And you do have the ability to do that when you know how to use your voice to do it. But what people do every day, nonstop is try to control the outcome. Now, what does this mean? Control what you think of me. Control how you’re perceiving me. Control what I get and sometimes it’s simply an outcome-driven and I’m a problem solver, and I’m going to drive to the outcome and solve your problem because I’m going to control the outcome by solving your problem.

But here’s the thing, and you have to embody this. You cannot leave this theory. You cannot control me.

I use this example and you’ve probably heard me give you this example before. I would love for you to like me. I would love for everybody to like me. I would love for everybody to think I was a great voice coach. But at the end of the day, I have no control over what you think of me. I have no control over whether you like me and I don’t even go to that place of the outcome. All the time my clients ask me, “how do you, do it?” And it’s, it’s quite simple. I have it absolutely, 100% trained myself to not go to the outcome and if I go there, I immediately get back to the now.

I have people that I work with that are problem solvers, that are outcome-driven, they are people pleasers. I’ve got people that I’ve worked with over the years that will sit and spend a Sunday trying to figure out every single solitary question that might be asked of them and how they will answer it, that’s trying to control the outcome. I don’t go there.

Now, that’s not to say I don’t prepare because I always prepare. I’ve got a little list of bullet points, a little list of words in front of me now. I haven’t looked at it yet, but it’s there in case I need it. I don’t want to forget anything. But it’s just not on my radar to think “how many downloads will this show get? How will people like this?” Of course, I want you to like it. I want it to make an impact on you, but I cannot control that. But I can control the conversation. Well, let me back up a second. I can control the conversation by creating the journey. But I can also control the conversation and alleviate aversions that you might have to my voice because I know how to do that.

And why I even threw that in is because you could say, “well, even if I do my 150% best thing that I do, my best version of me, Tracy, somebody still might not like me.” That is always true. And that is why you cannot control the outcome, but here’s the thing. You can play all the shades. You can play all the notes. You can play all the elements so that you are not driving any of your potential audiences away, which is what sometimes we do. We stay on one note and somebody has an aversion to that note and we drive people that are truly ours away.

But I’m digressing, I’m going down a rabbit hole and I want to get back to controlling the outcome and you cannot do it. A lot of people are outcome-driven, which is an admirable quality. Successful people are outcome-driven, problem solvers. I’m not a problem solver, I don’t think. but a problem solver and an outcome-driven person will always head to that outcome. “I’m already in the outcome” and you miss the connection.

Because here’s the thing, and I want you to get this, something as simple as being outcome-driven or being a problem solver puts things in your voice that keeps me from connecting with you. You are already in the outcome. You are trying to control the outcome. How I processed that subconsciously is that I’m not a part of it. So not only do I not connect, I’m repelled potentially. So, you’re missing opportunities by trying to control the outcome. People pleasers. This is huge for people pleasers. You’re trying to be what you think we want you to be. And so, you’re neutralizing you. You’re not revealing vocal variety. You don’t have movement in your voice. You aren’t conversationally talking to me. You aren’t grounded in your message. You’re trying to be what you think I want you to be. And here’s the thing, you don’t know what I want you to be, first of all.

Second. I don’t want you to be anything. I just want to know who you are. And I want you to be here in the now with me right now. And what happens when you are in that outcome and controlling that outcome and worrying about getting it right so that you get the result that you want even if that’s me liking you, you don’t end up being you.

I don’t know who you are and I can’t connect because I don’t even know who you are because you haven’t shown me who you are because you’re trying to control the outcome. Does that make sense? See where the rubber band ball of that is? It’s a mask. You’re putting something in place to get you a result that will keep you from getting that very result. People try to control the outcome by deciding what we’re thinking. I see that at least once a day.

Now, you guys know I’m a professed workaholic, borderline. Okay, I’m a workaholic. And I work a lot because I love what I do and I want to make the biggest impact before I leave this planet.

At least once a day, I have someone who has already buffered what they’re putting out because they’re controlling the outcome. They’ve already decided what we’re thinking. And I always come with the same question. “Did you ask me? Did you ask them what they’re thinking?” And people are just gob smacked when I ask that question. They say “well, no.” Well, then who are you to decide when I’m thinking? That’s controlling the outcome at its finest. You can’t control what I’m thinking. And to try to control your delivery because you’ve already decided what I’m thinking. You’ve just sabotaged yourself because let me tell you, and I’ve given you this statistic before in so many shows, you’re probably sick of hearing about it but 99.5% of the time, what you think we’re thinking, we’re not thinking.

Perception and reception. But here’s the truth; people are thinking about themselves. And I don’t mean that to be mean or negative. You know it’s true. Yet, we spend all this time and do all this buffering and try to do all this controlling the outcome because we’ve decided what people are thinking and they’re not even thinking it. I do this in my group constantly. I can hear when somebody is buffering. I can hear when somebody is trying to control the outcome. I can hear everything. And I will say, “what are you thinking about?” And I already know what they’re going to say. They’re going to say, “I was thinking about what you were thinking.” And I always say, “did you ask me?” And they say “no.” And then I say, “so tell me what you thought I was thinking”. And they’ll say, “well, I thought you were thinking X, Y, Z,” and every single time, I was thinking ‘A, B, C’ when they were thinking that I was thinking ‘X, Y, Z.’

I want to know, when are you going to stop falling for the tricks of the subconscious. The more I do this work, the more people I work with, the more I research, the more I am 100% validated in this methodology that I created and that it is a hundred percent true. Just today, and it’s every day, I was working with someone on a driver and we were finding voice habits that they wanted to eradicate., Simple things like filler words and running on and on is what she was working with, re-tells and everything, and I said, “okay, that’s great. That’s the habit, but we’ve got to get to the driver.” Unless we eradicate the driver, we cannot eradicate the voice habit.

If you are someone who has tried voice exercises before, you’ve tried warming up before you’ve tried another methodology or a pure methodology before, and it just didn’t work, it’s because the drivers were not dealt with and a driver can be, ‘I have to control what you’re thinking of me to get what I want’ which is ultimately why we try to control the outcome to get what we want. I want you to like me. I want you to buy from me. I want you to do whatever. But I want you to embody the fact that you can’t control me or anyone else. I can’t control you. I can give you a hundred percent, the best version of me. I can ask you to leave me a podcast review. I can encourage you to join my group. I can ask you to tell three friends who are struggling with their tone of voice to listen to a certain episode. I can do all of that, but I cannot make you do anything including like me, or change your life by rewriting your psychology of the voice story. I can’t, but I can show up 150% and control the conversation. That’s all I have the power to do.

The number of times people are struggling and they are not in the now is profound. And the negative things that are happening in their voice, whatever it is are always because they’re not in the now. They’re trying to control the outcome or other things, and I just want to keep this to controlling the outcome.

But one of my favorite things to watch is when people start to learn how to control the conversation. And I can’t even begin to tell you the number of people that I’ve worked with over the years that have said, “when I met with you on that call to see about working with you, I knew without a doubt I had to work with you.” Or sometimes they’ll say “I knew I had to find the money to work with you”, or “I knew I had to figure out a way to be in your group. How did you do that, Tracy? How did you do that? Because that’s my problem. I can’t land the deal. I can’t close the sale. And it’s super simple. I’m not trying to control the outcome. Do I want to make a sale? Sure. Do I want to change your life? Absolutely. But I can do my best dog and pony show and if you’re not ready or if you are not there because I haven’t made you feel something, you’re not going to buy. I have a full embodiment that controlling the outcome is not the answer. I never try to control the outcome, what I do try to control or do control, and I don’t even like the word control concerning conversation, but I control the experience that I create for you.

I am in the moment having a conversation with you, making you feel that I can help you. And that’s it. And then I let it go. I get off the call and I let it go. Now salespeople might be shuttering in their boots right now saying “no, no, no. You’ve got to follow up. You’ve got to do this. You’ve got to do that. Well, I have a massive referral business and I have pretty awesome sales. I don’t know. What’s the word? The number of sales I close. Closing rate, I guess. I don’t know and it’s literally because I create a journey. I create a feeling. When people get off the phone with me, they know they have to work with me because they know that I can change their life. And I don’t mean to say that in arrogance. It’s literally what I teach people to do. And it’s, it’s not manipulation. It’s about creating an experience, creating an emotional connection.

Manipulation is controlling the outcome. Manipulation is asking all those questions and things that a lot of people will train you to do. And you’re not connected to them, but you’re manipulating people because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do.

What you’re supposed to do is release the outcome and get in the now and create an experience for me. Create an emotional connection and that’s what your voice has the power to do. And 99% of people on earth are not even remotely maximizing that. They’re not playing shades of emotion. They’re not playing moments. They’re not in the now. They’re not controlling the conversation. They keep driving to the outcome and trying to be what they think we want and they’re trying to control what we think or decide what we’re thinking and you’ll never win that way. Never. And I can tell every single time in somebody’s voice when they’re in the outcome because I can’t connect to them. It’s a teeny tiny sound and the listener’s subconscious is picking up on it that you’re not with them. They can’t connect with you and that’s what’s costing you. They can pick up that you’ve already decided what they’re thinking. They can pick up that you think what we’re thinking is that you don’t know what you’re talking about and we’re not thinking that at all, but we pick that up.

You guys have heard me talk about foreshadowing. I don’t know if I’ve done an episode on foreshadowing before shadowing is the same thing. I’m in the outcome. I’ve already decided on the outcome and I’m putting it in my voice now and your subconscious picks up on it and you give me what I don’t want like not buying.

So, I need you desperately to stop driving to the outcome, to release the outcome, to stop trying to control the outcome. You can’t. I’ve been trying for 30 years to prove that you can, and you can’t. Start focusing on creating an experience. What do you want me to experience when I have a conversation with you? When I listen to you speak or when I watch your videos, what do you want my experience to be? That’s what I want you to think about and start working to create that. That’s where your power lies.

The only vocal power you can ever have is in the now and I bet you don’t spend much time there because most people don’t. A lot of times people think that they do and then they realize that they don’t, but there’s always a driver. There’s always a story. That’s got you down the tracks in the future, whatever it is. You think you already know what we’re thinking. You don’t want us to cut you off. You want to convince us that you know what you’re talking about. You want a buffer to keep us from figuring something out. Whatever it is. But you need to let it go. You need to let go of the illusion that you can ever control the outcome. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can get back in the now and control the conversation. Learn how to control the conversation.

All right. Well, that’s it. I’m going to wrap it up there. This was a quick one, but an important one and something that I see everybody struggles with, even the people that tell me they don’t. All right. So, think about that and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out. If you want to try to jump in on the group coaching program that’s about to start, go to captivatetheroom.com.

But otherwise, that’s it for today until I see you next time, you know what to do. Get out there and speak your truth. Just do it beautifully. Control. I wonder if you know anybody controlling or maybe you’re controlling.

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The Main Thing Holding You Back

Welcome to the show!

Don’t forget to leave a review  Subscribe and Review on iTunes

It’s possible there are several things holding your voice back, but there is one that is holding you back more than anything else: perception.

Most people preface any kind of presentation or session with me with by telling me how terrible it sounds or reasons for why it will be poor quality. That’s your subconscious holding you back! Your perception of how your message is being received is holding you back from playing bigger, from stepping outside of your safety and comfort zone. You are judging yourself in a way that your audience is not. 99.9% of what you put out, what you perceive, is received entirely differently by your audience.

Notice the children in your life and how they boldly own their voice. Little by little – likely before you were five – our internal story is rewritten to remove our confidence, tear us down, and keep us playing “safe.” You have to put out a different product (your voice), to get a different reaction. When you are working on improving your voice and breaking down barriers, you are rewriting that internal driver. This then delivers a different “product” via your voice and received differently by your listeners. Stop giving your power away to the perception of what you think we’re thinking.

You must – must – grasp the idea that your perception is wrong – that your perception is not what we’re thinking. Then, move to the “now” and trust that you’ve got this. By being in the future and the past, you won’t have it. One of the questions you can ask yourself when you are feeling like no one wants to hear what you have to say, you don’t sound good, you should just keep quiet, etc.: is this ultimately true?

Until next time, you know what to do. Get out there and speak your truth, just do it beautifully.

 

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Resistence and Your Voice

Resistance: you may have felt it in certain areas of your life but did you ever have any idea that it could be keeping you from your next level of success through your voice?

Today we will talk about things to look for, why it happens, and the true power of your voice that resistance is trying to keep down. Resistance is your subconscious keeping you safe; keeping you small. Let’s break through that! Join me today!

Your reviews on iTunes make a difference for this show! Please Subscribe and Review on iTunes. 

I am running a contest! To enter: leave me a review on iTunes and send me a screenshot to Tracy@CaptivateTheRoom.com and you’ll be entered to win a free voice coaching session with me. The reviews really make a difference in the search rankings and I am on a mission to reach as many people as possible. Registration is closing after this show. I will draw the name on-air the first week of September.

Resistance. There are a lot of ways resistance crops up and it is always found in voice work – even if you don’t realize it! It may be in the form of certain habits that are keeping you from the next level of success. I see people doing things, even subconsciously, that is resisting going bigger. Your subconscious is going to do everything it can to keep you safe, which means keeping you small. The voice is the utmost place of judgment, of vulnerability. Your subconscious works hard to keep you from getting too big, too bold, or too risky. All these things you’re being told by your subconscious will keep your masks up, will keep you nice and safe but will keep you from reaching the next level in your business and/or personal life. Judgment is not about you; being afraid of it is resistance.

Why is this work important? The voice is the most powerful tool you have. It is how we, your audience, determine every single thing about you. The biggest problem I see for so many people is that what they are revealing in their voice is not who they really are. Thus, they struggle with connections. Their masks are causing them to be rejected and preventing them from putting out the best versions of themselves. This becomes exhausting but we are resistant to put down the masks. I don’t focus on just technique. I focus on what is the best version of YOU and how do we crack those masks to communicate that to the world? The words are everything and nothing; it’s how you bring them to life that has the power to change me. Data is important but it’s not going to make me feel.

Trust is built in the voice; science has proven that. If you want people to trust you, they need to hear it in your voice. Subconsciously, your voice is where you reveal your message, your vulnerabilities, the wings of your soul, the orchestra of your heart. You can see why there may be so much resistance to protect you. Resistance can be found in masks such as hurt, pain, suffering, embarrassment, humiliation, experiences. When we are hiding behind masks, we are fully resistant. You can hear volumes in voices: barriers, connection, lack of connection. Use your ears but also trust your intuition. Your subconscious is processing what it is hearing. If there is resistance or fakeness, you can hear it as you begin to pay attention.

We all have to push through certain things. When you get to the other side, your life is forever changed. You’re transformed in a way you never dreamed. If you’re feeling resistance, don’t worry. You’re exactly where you need to be. Let it be your guide and remind you that you are on the right track of where you need to go next. It’s up yo you to decide how and when you’re going to push through it.

Until next time, you know what to do. Get out there and speak your truth, just do it beautifully.

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Vulnerability and Voice

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Vulnerability. That’s a scary word. Voice work is vulnerability; creating a reveal of the best version of you. People tend to get themselves in trouble by creating vulnerability within their voice the wrong way. Listen to today’s episode to find out how you can use vulnerability in your voice to your advantage.

We make every decision based on every tone we process – consciously and subconsciously – based on what we hear in your voice.

Vulnerability is not about information. I see it everywhere. What I hear people doing is revealing detail with their words but wearing so many masks with their voice. They have this incorrect idea that they have to reveal detail or extreme emotion in order to get people to feel something. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Vulnerability is not about the deep, dark, dirty secrets of your life. Think about the people you think of as vulnerable speakers: you don’t know the minutia. There are some things that are shared as a choice, but not out of necessity, to connect with your audience.

I believe there are elements of our stories that are key or essential in telling, but we don’t have to dive deep into every single secret.

Ask yourself: does this benefit or serve your audience? Vulnerability is not about what you share but how you share it. What becomes the problem and what we have to analyze when we want to become vulnerable is what are we trying to hide behind? Which voice masks are you utilizing to keep you “safe”? Are you 100% revealing who you truly are by using your voice? Maybe the need to get it right? People pleasing? Control? Not allowing people in?

Most of your masks or bad voice habits are learned by the time you are two and it’s not always due to trauma. These masks can manifest in many different ways and tones in your voice. They’re subtle but they’re everything; your audience is processing them subconsciously and it prevents us from truly connecting with you as if it were bulletproof glass keeping you at arms’ length.

Your voice is the most vulnerable tool that you have. When people know who you are, they let you in. People can feel it when you’re not letting them in or when you’re not being vulnerable with your voice.

Until next time, you know what to do. Get out there and speak your truth, just do it beautifully.

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What’s Wrong w/ Getting the Words Right?

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Trying to get the words just right. Is that you? For whatever reason, you believe that if you can get those words just right, you’re going to get what you want. You’re going to be able to control how we feel and think.

What you’re actually doing is putting a mask in place that will end up being the very thing that will keep you from getting that result. Let’s shift that today. When we shift that, we will be able to hear your confidence, connect with you, and you can captivate the room.

Let’s talk about the fear of not getting the words right and what that does to your voice. This is something both men and women struggle with. Some of my comments may be more geared to women specifically as this is something they tend to struggle with more, but it can be applied to both men and women dealing with this.

This is something I see in almost everyone I work with. This ideology of having to get the words just. right. You cannot control what I think about you. You can reveal the best version of you and you can release the outcome, but you cannot control what I think about you. YOU are the expert. YOU are educating us. We don’t know what you know. Yes, there are facts, data, and information.

You may make a mistake because you’re human. It’s not “wrong”; you’re human. By focusing on being “right,” and trying to keep people happy, focusing on the outcome you want, and what you think we want you to be, you are putting a mask in place.

This behavior has been conditioned throughout of lives: being motivated by a fear of something going wrong or something bad happening if you get something “wrong.” Don’t give your power to your words. The power is not in your words. Your power is in making me feel something.

You may mess up the data but you won’t mess up the feeling you cause me to feel. The hesitation, pausing and fumbling that happens when you’re struggling to get things just right causes more damage than just connecting with your message, your audience, and releasing the outcome.

Don’t get so bogged down in getting it ‘right’ that we, as your audience, don’t know what you’re talking about.

Until next time, you know what to do: get out there and speak your truth; just do it beautifully.

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Beautifully Speak Your Truth

Welcome to the show!

Today I thought we’d revisit a topic that is very important, speaking your truth but doing it beautifully!

Speak your truth is a big thing now but what is often forgotten is the part about doing it beautifully.

In today’s episode, I break down the beautifully part and talk about why it’s so important not to vomit your truth all over people in a way that is hurtful or rife with emotion.  If you do that, speaking your truth won’t work in your favor.

Everyone deserves to be heard…everyone and learning to use our voice in a way that reflects how we really feel are very important.  However, it’s also important to speak our truth, well…beautifully!

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Finding Your Message w/ Beverley Simpson

Welcome to the podcast!

I’m so excited to have you with me today and I can’t wait to share this episode with my friend Beverley!

Beverley and I are in a business mastermind together and ever since the day I met her I just adored her.  But, she also an incredible businesswoman and a master at messaging!

Beverley primarily works with leaders in the fitness industry but don’t let that stop you from listening to our episode because she is dropping some incredibly useful information in the episode.

I know you are going to love hearing what she has to say about messaging, using your voice and so much more!

Guest Bio

Beverley Simpson, owner of BSimpsonFitness, Former Fitness Manager for Crunch in Manhattan, New York turned online business owner. Currently a certified personal trainer and pre/postnatal specialist. (NASM CPT, FMS I & II, PN2, SFG I,) and dozens more certifications in movement. I’m passionate about the science of training, and I’ve helped hundreds of trainers package their genius into products and helped them sell their service without feeling sleaze-y.

 

Also a mom of two daughters under the age of two, and watched my body transform from fit coach to pregnant coach to new postpartum coach in a different but same body twice. Once I discovered that body transformation DEPENDS on body acceptance, I was finally able to lose over 50 lbs and KEEP it off without dieting and spending hours in the gym, and I’ve helped dozens of moms do the same thing.

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Voice Mask Needing to Prove

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Ahhh the old needing to prove mask, this is a BIG one.

I can’t even begin to tell you the damage this mask causes and how many people are wearing it!

I hear this on the daily, I hear it in sales, I hear it in life.  It’s REPELLING people and it has to go, it’s costing you business and it has to go.

It’s highly possible that you’ve been hiding behind this mask for far too long.  If you are wondering why you might not be getting the deals you want, why you might not be building the relationships you want, you might not be where you want to be…well, maybe you need to see if you are trying to prove something…like your worth.

It won’t work, ever!  The best reveal of you is what we are after, that’s what is key to your success.  Voice masks keep us out, isn’t it time to let the mask down and let us in?

I promise you, it’s better to let it go.

 

Don’t forget to check out my upcoming 8-week small voice coaching program.  I’m about to start another round in August and I’d love for you to join me!  Just go to Captivatetheroom.com and look under the work with me tab.